I’ve spent many nights, wandering the recesses of my mind trying to come up with an answer. Where did I go wrong? Why was I so corruptible? Why did I crave so much of what would be my undoing? I would be in very different shoes had I continued on the journey the map was laid for, but I decided to adventure and thus lost my way last summer. 

The root of my error dawned on me some time ago, but not a cause. I now assume it is because of my weakness in character and person. Never was I virtuous or kind enough to be what I so desired to be and thus my error is all my own, not that of my circumstances of my upbringing. I have been, from birth, guileless, selfish, and cold towards the wishes of others all of my life. I failed even to do what was desired of me by me for someone I had come and still love more than my own person. 

I don’t know if I could ever leave my mistakes all alone. I have hope that I may one day redeem myself, if I am worthy of such a notion. Alas, I shall always know my weakness stems from my unlovable nature and my inability to love despite claiming the talent as my own. 

SO…

I totally pigged out.

Bran Muffin- ??? Calories

Shared three bags (one all by myself) of popcorn-??? Calories

1 can of Progresso Garden Vegetable Soup- ??? Calories

Apple- 80 Calories

Total fat ass= me

At the end of the day it was worth it. Light eating, but in severe amounts. Eventually I’ll be able to eat light, lightly… 

My world told me: You are diseased

I told myself: my world is right

My world sent me into orbit and I haven’t returned since.

I figured maybe the world was wrong- maybe it wasn’t me.

I was wrong.

I was wrong wrong wrong wrong.

I am diseased. I am a sick and mangled child- who cries alone in the night. 

So be it- I’m an alien. Fuck the world. 

(Source: quinnfabray, via werewolfbyday)